Chapter 25

HOW TO REACT (CREATE) WHEN a RELATIONSHIP ENDS

Congratulations. You’ve successfully “trained” the humans in your life, in regards to what you will and will not accept in a relationship. You’ve clearly established your boundaries.

Unfortunately, they’ve chosen to step outside those boundaries. You shout, “Their actions were completely out of bounds!” You agree to discuss the matter and you tell them that you “no longer want to be a part of this relationship.”

                The candlelight flickers; the soft music tap-dances in the background; you embrace. It’s time to exchange tenderly passionate forehead kisses. Another firm hug, a pat on the back, and it’s time to part ways. You walk out feeling lighter than air, excited to bring that chapter of your life to an end. You eagerly anticipate what’s in store.

                Okay, so it didn’t quite end like that. When most relationships or friendships end, it’s usually a pretty stormy situation. Boundaries weren’t respected; agreements were broken; trust was destroyed; it can get very ugly. However, what is the most productive way to navigate through this stormy period? It seems like the end of the world. It most certainly seems like the end of the relationship.

                However, what happens when the beautiful illusion of time creeps into the picture? A few days, weeks, or months go by, and all the emotionally-charged feelings you were experiencing begin to settle down. In fact, a part of you actually misses your lover or friend. You begin to wonder if they’ve “learned their lesson.” You begin to hope that “things have changed.” You start thinking that what they did “wasn’t so bad.” Maybe I was being too hard on them. Maybe they were telling the truth. Maybe.

                As with most relationships, it usually takes several “break-ups” before two people are truly done with each other. The length of time experienced during the break-up phase can vary, but most relationships are re-established at some point.

                I’ve always said, “True character and loyalty is best demonstrated when a person is backed into a corner.” How do your lovers, friends, and family act when they’re upset with you? Do they gossip about your business? Do they say or do hurtful things? Do they try to cause you pain? How they respond in challenging situations is a direct reflection of their true character—not the facade they project when everything is running smoothly.

                What happens when the “broken relationship” puts itself back together? You’re happily in love again. You’re BFFs again. If the person projected negative energy during the break-up, you’re now forced to remember all the hurtful things they said and/or did. You were able to see their true character, and you’ve determined that you don’t like their true character very much. Now, there will always be a splinter in your mind. You’ll forever remember the pain they intentionally tried to cause you. The relationship or friendship will never be the same.

                This is why it’s important to use your Conscious Creation skills whenever a relationship ends. In these situations, most people are in reaction mode—especially when it comes to emotionally-charged relationships. “He did such-and-such to me, so I’m gonna do such-and-such to him!” They’re constantly in reaction to the events of their lives. Powerful Conscious-Creators, on the other hand, are constantly in creation of the events in their lives. “She did such-and-such to me, so I’m going to choose to create in a loving way, preventing the negative energy from escalating any further.”

                This can be a very delicate situation. If someone is hurting/abusing/betraying you, creating in a “loving way” doesn’t necessarily mean sending a “thank you” card. It means you avoid adding any further fuel to the fire by gossiping, plotting evil schemes, or retaliating with similar poison. If someone offers you a cup full of poison, and you refuse their offer, they still own the poison. Choosing to take the cup makes it your own.

                If you find yourself in a sticky situation, one that makes you want to defend your position and make the other person “wrong,” say something like the following: