CHAPTER 17

SMOKERS ARE WEAK-MINDED CRYBABIES

Robert Wright Penn said, “If you get enough sleep, cut back on cigarettes and red meat, you look better the next day.”

Awwwwwww. Did the wuddul cwybaby smoker read the title of this chapter and get its wuddul feewinz hutt?

Of course you did. Because that’s what crybabies do. But you should begin the process of “getting over it,” because smokers don’t deserve any “smokers’ rights.”

The inspiration for this chapter came from a debate I had with my dad, who is a lifetime smoker. He’s from the old school, and seems to think that he “should be able to walk into any bar, sit down and light up a cigarette.” He says, “If other people don’t wanna inhale my cigarette smoke, they should go somewhere else.”

Really? What a selfish thing to say.

So, just because someone chooses to drink and/or dine in an establishment and does NOT choose to inhale cancer-causing second-hand smoke, THEY should find somewhere else to go?

I beg to differ, kind sir, but THEY aren’t the one with the self-destructive habit.

YOU are.

Smoking cigarettes, in my opinion, is a habit cultivated by weak-minded people who subconsciously hate themselves.

Hate themselves? What do I mean “hate themselves”? I’ll expand on this theory in the next chapter.

Let’s get back to the idea of smokers being “weak-minded.” Every year, scores of smokers decide they’re going to quit smoking. They’re fully aware of the health concerns involved in smoking. They’re tired of wasting $150 per month on cigarettes. They’re tired of the brownish color on their teeth. Their clothes stink. They’re tired of being forced outside to smoke in the cold, because the self-righteous, do-gooders known as “non-smokers” don’t feel compelled to breathe in their toxic second-hand smoke.

They’ve carefully considered all these wonderful reasons to quit smoking, and for a moment-in-time, are thinking rationally enough to actually bring an end to this self-destructive habit.

On January 1st, they’re going to stop smoking! Unfortunately, most smokers party heavily on New Year’s Eve, and decide they’re going to continue smoking past midnight on New Year’s Morning. Then that carries over to “finishing their final pack” on New Year’s Day.

Then they go two days without smoking, break down, buy a pack ... and disregard their New Year’s Resolution altogether. “I’ll quit next year,” the weak-minded human rationalizes. “There’s just too much going on in my life right now.”

I can speak so boldly regarding smoking because I used to smoke. I wasn’t a pack-a-day kind of smoker, but I’d easily smoke anywhere between 3 and 10 cigarettes per day over the course of about three years. I got hooked—like a lot of people—from being in the clubs and wanting a cigarette to smoke “socially.”

I say you’re an official “smoker” when you start spending money on cigarettes, and I certainly did that. In fact, I was a member of the group who would actually make a special trip to the store just to buy cigarettes.

So when you read this article, and your crybaby-smoker-tear-ducts start swelling, don’t think you’re reading the post of some pansy non-smoker who “just doesn’t get it.”

I get it.

And one day, I “got it.” I was thinking, What the hell are you doing, man? You enjoyed the first two decades of your existence on this planet without cigarettes. Why do you feel like you need to inhale cancer-causing, toxic smoke into your lungs now?

On that day, I took control of my mind. I remembered what Dr. Wayne Dyer, said about smoking:

“If you want to stop smoking cigarettes, all you have to do is not put cigarettes in your mouth—one day at a time.”

Holy smokes, cow, Santa Claus, Jesus, and the Easter Bunny!

Why didn’t I think of that?!

So how do we get to the point of “not putting cigarettes in our mouth—one day at a time?”

1.) Don’t buy any more packs of cigarettes.

2.) If there are cigarettes around you, remember to not put them in your mouth.

Remember, if the cigarette doesn’t touch your mouth region, you won’t be able to smoke it.

Got it?

Congratulations! Now you’re a non-smoker! Please feel free to boast in your non-smoking self-righteousness.

Because let’s face it, non-smokers ARE better than smokers.

• We feel better. We can jog without wanting to collapse.
• We look better. This includes less wrinkles and whiter teeth. 
• We smell better.
• We don’t harm the health of others with our toxic second-hand smoke.
• We’re better parents, and don’t influence our kids to become smokers by modeling our behaviors.
• We’re less likely to die an early, painful death at the hands of lung cancer.
• We have more money, because we don’t waste $150 a month on cigarettes.
• We’re more powerful than non-smokers.

Power is the ability to take action. And we non-smokers have mastered our minds. We are capable of committing to an idea, and taking the necessary action to ensure we honor our commitments.