Chapter 40
HOW TO MAKE YOUR MAN SHUT UP AND LOVE YOU
This
research is obviously biased, based on my own preferences. Contrary to what
you’ve heard, all men aren’t created equal, but I think these ideas serve as
good rules of thumb.
At the very least, you can learn
what it takes to make me fall in love.
And I’m a pretty interesting guy—maybe you should give me a chance. I will love
you long time. Here are the simple rules:
Rule
#1: Scratch his head or back. This
will shut him up in most situations.
Rule
#2: Learn to cook. It seems like
women these days have forgotten the time-tested way to a man’s heart—it’s
through his stomach.
Rule
#3: Don’t be annoying. Let him have
his “boy time,” without acting needy and insecure.
Rule
#4: Control your emotions. Don’t be a
drama queen—in any shape or form. This includes jealousy and anger.
Rule
#5: Give in first when you have an
argument. This keeps our sensitive ego intact, while eliminating the pain in
our heart. We need to feel like the king—like we’re wearing the pants in the
relationship.
Most
women waste all their energy making their physical appearance as beautiful as
possible—fake breasts, fake tans, fake nails, fake hair, etc. That’s great for
attracting a “fake” man. But you have to consider this: Is that the kind of guy
you want—the kind of guy who’s only interested in physical appearance?
Most men become bored with physical appearance
relatively quickly; so you need to develop a strategy for keeping a man interested once you get him.
What do you provide that separates you from all the
other women in the world? Pretty girls are a dime a dozen. Inner qualities keep
a man coming back—even if they’ll never admit it.
Deep down, most men want to settle down with a woman
who reminds them of their mom. As a potential wife, you’re essentially taking
the role of “nurturer.” Nurture your man without being annoying or needy, and
he’ll keep you around.
Oh yeah. And learn how to always speak truthfully. I
didn’t include that in the rules, because I don’t believe it’s possible for a
woman to do so. I know that’s a cynical position to take. I’m supposed to
believe in Jesus, so I guess I’m supposed to believe in miracles, too. Maybe a
letter will help.
Dear Jesus,
I know you’re probably really busy. You
probably have a bunch of other miracles to perform. Football teams are
petitioning you to help them win their games; rappers are begging you to make
them famous; unorganized humans are pleading with you to move traffic because
they’re running late; and I’m sure there are some sick kittens somewhere that
need your mighty touch.
But Jesus, I really, really, really need your help down here on Earth.
It’s about the women, sir. You see, they have a problem speaking truthfully. And
it seems like they don’t learn from their mistakes. They create living hells in
their lives through their lies, and as soon as things calm down, they just
start lying again.
It’s like they keep choosing to touch
hot stoves. At some level, their past experience tells them that they shouldn’t
touch hot stoves, because hot stoves cause pain. But they end up touching hot
stoves again!
Why would they do that, Jesus?
So Jesus, I’m asking for a miracle. And
I promise, if you grant me this one miracle, I’ll never say cuss words again. Jesus,
will you please inspire women to
always speak truthfully?
Now Jesus, I know there are a few exceptions—not all women lie—and
those women should be celebrated. However, the rise in PPDs on the planet is
starting to concern me. More and more women are using their beauty to
manipulate every aspect of life. They’re trying to “live on bread alone,” like
I discuss in Chapter 30 of Your Truth
Will Set You Free. Deception has become the new norm, but with your help, I
hope to change this trend.
I appreciate your time today, Jesus. Please
work this mighty miracle.
Love always,
Brandon
P.S. Visit www.TheNiceLife.com to learn more about PPDs.
Sayeth The White Rabbit:
Cultivate
your inner beauty; it’s the most attractive part of a woman.