Chapter 49
BEING A GREAT PARENT OR MENTOR
Here are the two most important things you can give a child: quality time and words of encouragement.
As discussed earlier in the book, my parents’ decision to not attend most of my sporting events still stings. I sit here today, as a 31-year-old man, and think, If I had the option, I’d be at every single event I could! I mean, what could bring more joy to a person’s life?
Alas, everybody’s not the same, and what’s done is done.
The good thing about their lack of attendance is this: I can help other parents understand how important these small things are. I mean, here I am—a grown man—still crying about it 20 years later!
Luckily, through the power of the Internet, I was able to scan all my old baseball articles and photos onto my website. Now, my entire web audience can share in those important childhood moments. :]
Although I don’t technically have any kids of my own, I do my very best to offer quality time and words of encouragement whenever I’m in the position to do so.
My last real opportunity to be a great mentor was back in July of this year (2009). My high-school sweetheart invited me to come spend Independence Day Weekend in Florida with her and her nine-year-old son, Diego.
Diego is one of the most amazing young men I’ve ever met. I have to give credit to his mom and their family. Hispanic families tend to be fairly strict when it comes to parenting, but the payoff is well worth it. Diego is one of the most considerate, well-mannered kids I’ve ever encountered.
As I was leaving for Florida, I sent a tweet to all my Twitter followers that said, “Remember to compliment at least three people today.” A church near my house had posted that message on its sign.
Ten hours later, I finally made it to Florida.
Unfortunately, driving by myself didn’t give me the opportunity to compliment anybody.
After eating dinner and listening to Diego speak, I was inspired to say, “You’ve grown into an outstanding young man!”
He fired back with a compliment of his own.
After dinner, he kept checking on me, making sure I had everything I needed. He kept saying, “The guest always comes first!”
That’s when I said, “You’ve got to be the most considerate young man on the planet!”
He kind of humbly shrugged it off, as if to say, No big deal. That’s just how I roll.
Finally, after hearing him speak at advanced levels on topics most nine year olds wouldn’t care about, I said, “Not only are you an outstanding and considerate young man, you’re also one of the smartest!”
He lit up like a Christmas tree and fired back with his own set of compliments. At that moment, I realized that he’d just caused me to give out my three compliments for the day! I told him the story of “needing to give out three compliments that day,” and let him know that he was an answer to my prayer.
He gushed. He felt important.
The compliment war had begun.
For the rest of my stay, he kept trying to “out-compliment” me—even keeping score. He even stated on several occasions, “I want you to know, I mean all these compliments too!”
Talk about heartwarming.
The first two nights I was there, he kept mentioning that he’d like to play pool, saying he never had anybody to play against. The pool table had boxes and other stuff on it, so we just kept putting it off. I mentioned that I had brought my tennis racquets, and told him we might go play later. He sounded excited about the possibility, saying he’d never played before.
My final night there was July 4th. We spent the day at the beach, and his mom was worn out, lying on the couch. Although I didn’t really feel like going through the process of taking everything off the pool table, I thought back to my experience of not having anyone at my games, and realized how important it was to him. He had asked me several times.
We removed all the items and played several games of pool. You could tell he was in “big brother heaven.” After accidentally sinking one of his pool balls, he lines up a shot aimed at one of mine.
“Diego!” I shouted. “What are you doing?!”
He responded, “Since you made one of my pool balls, I wanted to make one of yours, so it would be fair.”
Mr. Considerate had “out-complimented” me again.
After playing pool, we took Neo (my 130-pound Rottweiler) for a walk. I had been letting Diego walk him all weekend. I knew simple things like that were essential for building self-confidence. Without provocation, he discussed his thoughts on heaven and “down there” (hell), summing up his sermon with an explanation on God’s unquestioned forgiveness—to all those who seek it with a pure heart.
“Can we go play tennis now?” he asked.
Fireworks were starting to circulate throughout the neighborhood. We grabbed our tennis racquets and started walking to the courts. We played for about 30 minutes. On the walk home, he melted my heart with the following:
“Brandon, thanks for spending time with me doing all these fun things today. This has been the best day of my whole life.”
Whoa.
What do you say to that? This kid had no mercy. How could I out-compliment that? I rambled off something like, “I’ve enjoyed it too, buddy. And I’m glad you did.”
Then he hit me with the knock-out blow:
“I wish you could stay here forever,” he said.
Okay, buddy. You win. You’re the compliment champion. And here’s the icing on the cake: He meant every word he was saying.
I had just created, in his words, the “best day” of his life. And what did I do?
I spent quality time and offered words of encouragement. I didn’t spend a dollar.
Think about that as you deal with your own kids. They’re not interested in your money or your gifts—they’re interested in spending quality time with you. Nothing makes them light up like words of encouragement from you.
It’s really that simple.
My Truth says ... the wounds from childhood can last a lifetime. Make sure you help your child build a healthy level of self-confidence and self-respect, by offering words of encouragement and quality time.
What does Your Truth say?