Chapter 35

AGGRESSIVE DRIVING

I used to be an aggressive driver. I was always in a rush to get nowhere. Had I mastered the skill of “punctuality” when I was younger, maybe I would’ve been organized enough to create the necessary space-cushion to get to where I needed to be—without speeding.

                Alas, I didn’t have those skills.

                Now that I’m older, I’ve learned the benefits of non-aggressive driving. There haven’t been any new violations on my driving record for approximately seven years. Because of that, my insurance is cheap. I like cheap. I believe you’ll like cheap too.

                Let’s take a look at the numbers: When you’re tailgating the car in front of you, you’re not going to get to your destination any faster. However, you’re tremendously increasing your chances of being in an accident. There’s nothing that frustrates me more than riding in the passenger seat with a driver who’s tailgating the car in front of us. It’s like I have to argue for my life. I’ll be like, “Why are you following them so closely? You’re putting my life in jeopardy for nothing.” To which, they’ll usually respond, “Well, they need to stop going so slow.”

                Dude. The speed limit is 60 mph. You’re doing 65 mph. They’re just trying to obey the laws of the Commonwealth of Virginia. Shout out to the Commonwealth of Virginia. Those boys don’t play when it comes to highway safety. I learned my lesson the hard way. Whatever you do, don’t try speeding in the Commonwealth of Virginia.

                Let’s say you’re finally able to get around the car that was doing 60 mph. Now you’re doing 70 mph, and your destination is 10 miles away. The car who was doing 60 mph will reach your destination in 10 minutes. You will reach your destination in 8 minutes and 34 seconds. So all your tailgating and crazy driving has saved you exactly 1 minute and 26 seconds over the course of 10 miles.

                What a selfish human being.